


Wish I Could Wake Up

by gothboysummer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Fluff, Insanity, Light Bondage, M/M, Murder, Sadism, Sexual Content, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25631206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothboysummer/pseuds/gothboysummer
Summary: If you don't care to help yourself and the problem keeps getting worse you will one day lose the fight
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Wish I Could Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> Like idk it's a bit brutal ig but when i read it through i didn't feel uncomfy, well i read the cherry fic for fun but it's not too bad  
> btw english is not my first language to keep that in mind

They were lying in the sofa, Dans face deep buried in Phils chest, Phils arm around Dans waist while watching Friends. They didn’t do this as often anymore, back in the early days of their relationship they cuddled all the time, trying to touch each others as much as possible. The honeymoon phase was nice and fun, would they go back to it if they could? No, it’s one of those things that you love in the moment, don’t regret, but wouldn’t want to redo. They loved each other just as much, more even. They loved everything about the other, every flaw.

Dan loved cuddling, he loved cuddling with Phil. Those evenings were his favourites, just him and Phil. They had started doing it more during quarantine, not that they particularly was scared but but the world was still not as it used to be. At the start they thought that they would get tired of spending time with one another but it really just made their love stronger. They spent even more time together than they did before. 

He barely paid attention to the show, he mostly focused on Phil, thinking about how lucky he was to have him. Thinking of the future, when they would get married, adopt children, grow old together, everything. He wanted everything with Phil, he wanted to spend his entire life with him. Life really did work out in the end.

Dan moved his head up from Phils chest to look at him, simply look at him. Phils eyes was firmly watching the show. He felt an overwhelming feeling of love, Phil had saved him, he really had, if it wasn't for him he would be dead, if it wasn’t for him he would have lost. Happiness was a feeling that he hadn’t truly experienced until he met Phil, Phil made him feel it, made him feel important. He was lucky to have him, he was lucky to have Phil like him back, he was lucky to be alive.

Phil looked down on Dan, he smiled, that wonderful smile that was like a ray of sunshine, Dan smiled back. Phil leaned in and lightly pressed this lips on Dans, it was wonderful how after ten years his heart still did a flip whenever their lips met. He smiled into the kiss.

“I love you,” he said.

“Love you too,” Phil answered. 

They kissed again, this time actually making an attempt to kiss instead of more and less just having their lips touch. His soft lips was addictive, he wanted more, always wanted more, he didn’t think he would ever get tired of Phil. He always seemed to discover new things, it never stopped being exciting to be with Phil. 

They slowly started deepen the kiss, Dan moaned into it.

“Bedroom,” Phil mumbled inbetweed kisses.

They fumbled to their room, only breaking the kiss to open the door. As soon as they entered the room Phil pinned Dan against the wall. He started kissing his neck, sucking and kissing around the spot that made Dan crazy. Shamelessly he moaned, throwing his head back against the wall.

“You can leave a mark,” Dan whispered. No one would see it, he didn’t make videos neither went outside.

Phil started sucking harder, making sure that it would leave a mark. Dan loved being marked up, marked up by Phil, showing that he was his and only his. Phil slowly lifted up Dans shirt, throwing it to the floor. He traced his ribcage still kissing all around his neck. Dan didn’t try to be quiet, moaning like it was the last time he would get laid and needed to enjoy it as much as possible. Phil kissed him again, Dan warped his arms around Phils neck trying to get more of him. Phil placed his arms around him and pulled him away from the wall to push him down onto the bed. He unzipped Dans jeans and pulled them of, he cupped Dans cock, Dan moaned at the needed touch. It felt so good, Phil always made him feel so good. 

He opened the drawer under the bed and took up one of their handcuffs.

“Safe word?” he asked. 

“Tamagotchi,” 

“Good boy,” he whispered in a deep voice. It made Dan (if possible) harder, Phil only talked in that voice during sex. 

“Hands over head,” 

Dan did as he was asked to, soon after he felt the cold metal around his wrist. He loved the feeling, the feeling of losing control even just over the simplest things like not being able to move his arms freely. 

Phil started kissing his collarbones, leaving marks on some places.

“I've always loved your collarbones, so pretty,” 

Dan could only moan as an answer, forming a sentence was too hard. Phil started going down on him, stopping to lick around his nippel, he started sucking on it. Dan moaned, loudly, he felt like a teenager having his first sexual experience.

Phil kept sucking, harder, it was like he was addicted, like he couldn’t stop, he just needed more every second. It almost became too much.

Phil lightly started using his teeths, it hurted, but good pain. Slowly Phil started using his teeths more, actually biting. It hurted more, almost the pain that was unpleasant he didn’t seem to ever want to stop.

“P-phil too much,” Dan mumbled. Phil didn’t listen obviously, only the safe word actually meant stop.

“Stop Phil, Phil p-please, fucking agh,” he screamt, this time in pain.

“T-tamagotchi, Phil, f-fucking tamagotchi, tamagotchi Phil,” 

Phil didn’t listen, Dans heart started speeding up. Didn’t he hear him?

“Fucking tamagotchi, stop Phil, stop tamagotchi, please, please listen Phil,” 

He started using his left leg to bump into Phil, trying anything to get Phil to listen to him.

“Don’t fucking kick me bitch,” Phil said aggressively, but not in the way that turned Dan on, it was something he’d never heard before, it was horrifying.

“P-phil i-it’s too much, stop,”

“That wasn’t too much, I will show you too much,” 

“P-please Phil you’re scaring m- FUCK,” 

Phil put his mouth around Dans nippel again, bit down hard to get a grip, Dan felt his skin being pulled up and the feeling of a million needles attacked his chest, he closed his eyes and screamt. He started feeling fluid drip down his body, he didn’t want to open his eyes, this wasn’t real, this was just a nightmare, he would wake up at any moment, his head on Phil's lap as they watched Friends, he would tell him about the dream and they would laugh about it. Any second.

“Is this too much Dan? Or do I need to show you more,” his voice didn’t sound like Phils, this one was a demon, a demon had taken over Phils body and talked for him. 

“Answer me when I talk to you Dan,” he slapped him, hard, harder than he had ever done.

“P-please P-Phil s-stop, it hurts s-so bad,” he cried out.

“Aw, I don’t think you understand yet,” 

He placed his finger on the open wound and pressed hard making his most of his finger enter his body. He hooked his finger under his skin and pulled, ripping his skin apart as easy as paper. Dan scream, louder than he thought he could.

“Help! Help please fucking help-” 

“Stop fucking screaming,” he said as he covered his mouth with his hand “The more you scream the more painful this will be,”

Dan tried to be quiet, he really did. The pain was indescribable, words was not strong enough it. When would he fucking wake up.

He could feel Phils weight changing and he heard his pillow hit the floor. He didn’t dare open his eyes, yet he felt like he should. Carefully he opened his eyes and regretted it the second after. His torso was covered in blood that dripped down his entire body. Phils face, hands and clothes drowned in the red fluid. His eyes were empty yet filled with life, insane want. This was a monster, this wasn’t the man he had fallen in love with ten years ago. Was this really a dream, it felt too real, yet at the same time so unreal.

Phil picked up the reason why he threw away his pillow, one of the knives that was under it. It was small but sharp, really sharp. He placed it under his chin and cut him, rather deep but not too deep.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this for Dan,” he laughed maniacally, it was scary, no it wasn’t scary, it was hell, hell on earth, no human should be able to make you feel like this, no one but Satan should be able to make you feel like this.

“It started when I was thirteen, I hated myself for it but I still thought it was normal, I couldn’t get it out of my mind, it always slipped into my mind whenever I mastrubated, I started watching horror movies just so I could see more of it, blood, pain, torture,” 

He moved the knife up and down his arm slowly, making the wounds deeper and deeper. Dan bit his lips to avoid screaming hard enough to make him himself bleed, but that didn’t matter, he didn’t even notice. The overwhelming pain Phil made him feel made any other feeling disappear, he could only think about Phil, he hated him, he never thought that he would be able to hate that man. 

“I thought it was a phase, something I would grow out of and ignore for the rest of my life, but no, it only got worse and worse and now I’m here, finally experiencing what I’ve wanted to feel for the last twenty years and I love it, it’s amazing Dan, only I get to decide what you will feel and you have no say in it,” he laughed again “I don’t hate this part about myself anymore, I love it, I love thinking about death, I love feeling a bit crazy, I love your face when you realized what I was about to do with you,” he smiled a smile straight out of a horror movie, he breathed heavily, kept on laughing and the smile never left his face.

“I love you Dan, and now you will never leave me,” he stabbed him violently with the knife, it was too much, Dan screamt. Phil punched his adamsappel hard, Dan never thought Phil was this strong.

“I thought I told you to shut your mouth, but apparently you can’t do that,”

He took the knife and stabbed it through Dans hand, connecting it to the wall. He walked out of the room, not closing the door after him. Dan cried, he cried more than he did before, he wasn’t even aware that he was before, but now he was now his body was back on earth and it hurted. Everything everywhere hurted, when would he wake up. 

He didn’t have the energy to get away, didn’t have the energy to flee, call for help anything. Like he was a pile of skin who could only scream look and feel, he wished he was dead, he couldn’t take it, it hurted too much.

Phil entered the room with a needle and thread, it was big, big enough to not break by human flesh.

“If you wont shut up, I will make you,” Phil said as he straddled Dan again.

He grabbed Dans lips and Dan understood what he was about to do, he started hyperventilating. He tried to beg for it to stop but the words got stuck in his throat.

“Stay still or this will will just be more painful,” Phil said before pressing the needle through the skin, every single second hurted, Phil wasn’t gentle, but he was slow, making the pain worse and long-spun. He didn’t only do it to make Dan silence, if he did he wouldn’t have sewn so tight. His mission seemed to be to make Dans entire mouth the same colour as the thread, and he succeed with that.  
The taste of iron had filled Dans mouth during the last twenty minutes, and each stitch made the taste more intense. His mouth was now looking the same as his arm and torso.

“Now you will stay silent,” Phil grabbed the knife and pulled it out of his hand, Dan had forgotten that it still was there and it hurted, it hurted bad and if he could he would have screamt.

“You look really hot like this Dan, does it hurt Dan? Do you want it too stop?”

Yes, yes he wanted it to stop, but it was too late now, how would he be able to survive this, he was dying, this would be his last hours.

“Oh right you can’t answer me, too bad then, guess I will just continue then,” 

With no warning he violently stabbed the knife in his left thigh. Dan closed his eyes again as he felt the liquid move down his leg. He grabbed another knife and did the same with his other. It felt like he had punched him, but he knew that he hadn’t, he knew that he had stabbed him. He felt weirdly numb yet like his skin was burning.

Phil took out on of the knives and ripped his skin apart, using the knife to easier go deeper, only to stop when he saw his bone. Dan cried out as Phil grabbed his bone and tried to pull it out, he failed which only made the pain more intense. He started removing the flesh from the entire leg. With a lot of struggling he was able to get the bones out of his body. The pain was great, to much to comprehend, he felt like he was about to die, his brain getting more soggy every moment. It never shut of, he still felt the pain, felt death coming but it never killed him.

Phil looked at the bone which was covered in flesh parts. He licked it and moaned as he did, a took a particularly big part of meat and ate it. It looked like he was having a religious experience.

“You taste so good,” Phil moaned deeply. 

He threw the bones to the side and started kissing Dans blood covered neck, licking over the wound. He moved down to his collarbones once again.

“I… I really like your collarbones,” 

He grabbed another knife and fastly cut open his skin so that he could see his collarbones. How much more pain could he make him feel before he was done, would he ever be done, when would the dream end. It was too painful to be real, why would Phil do this. The smiley ‘I couldn’t harm a fly’ Phil. No it wasn’t real, but why hadn’t he woken up yet.

Phil took gripped his one of his collarbones and pulled it out, Dan could hear his bones crack. This torture was worse than he could ever imagine. How was he not dead. How could he not have lost enough blood yet, the fact that he still was alive made everything worse, he wanted nothing but death. 

Phil got of the bed and walked out of the room again, it almost made things worse. Getting left with nothing but the pain made him think about it, and fuck it was massive. 

A few minutes later Phil entered the room, he grabbed the three last knives and put all in a straight row down his stomach. He pulled them all in and out like he tried to stretching the wounds, he span around the knives in all different directions making it deeper and bigger. He left the room again.

Dan opened his eyes, he started crying, his body was completely destroyed. Covered in bruises and blood, the blood, the blood that now pretty much covered his entire body. Some of it starting to turn brown. He felt sad, he had spent the entire last decade trying to find happiness which he now started to find, all for nothing, all for this. What a waste, waste of space and air. But what was even worse was the fact that it was Phil, Phil the guy who had saved him, and now he would be the cause of his death. It was stupid, he was stupid.

“Try to survive Dan, I want to play with you more,” he said as he entered the room. He had a teapot in his hands and Dan had a feeling of what was going to happen.

Phil stood next to the bed, he looked at Dan, still with the smile, he seamt to go more insane the more things he did. Slowly he tilted the teapot for the boiling hot water to fill the wounds in his stomach. He threw his head back and tried to scream which only made the wounds around his mouth worse. This was it, this was pain that you can’t even imagine, pain that should be impossible to reach yet he did it. He reached max, reached the impossible. He took the knife to connect the cuts, opening up his stomach for his organs to see air. He didn’t cry anymore, he couldn’t, it was over, everything. 

He felt the sharp burning pain even more powerful as it got poured in, his body starting to really give up, maybe this was the last breaths, maybe this was finally the end.

Phil poured the last drop into Dans body and put his hands into this stomach. Making sure not to destroy any important organ. Once again the burn was indescribable, the torture felt like hours, every second felt like a day. It never ended, the pain would keep on going forever, never taking a break. 

He felt something being pulled out of his body which at this point barely hurted, he felt numb, the pain was so great that he couldn't feel it anymore. He felt tired, exhausted and had a headache that felt like an actual bomb.

“We were going to have sex originally planed right? So why don’t we do that,”

He pulled down Dans blood covered pants and threw them onto the floor. He walked over the a cactus and grabbed it.

“Everything's a dildo if you try hard enough, didn’t you say that a few days ago? Well let's try it,” 

With no warning he put the entire cactus inside him immediately started trusting in and out of him, every second getting worse and more bloody. This wasn’t real, it hurted too much, a human isn’t capable of this.

Still fucking him with the cactus he put his mouth around his dick. Moving it in and out messily, he took as much as he could into his mouth and bit it hard making it two parts. 

Somehow Phil always managed to make the pain greater, somehow it always was worse, and never enough to kill him, only pain, indescribable, unimaginable pain which if put to words would haunt you for the rest of your life. 

Phil grabbed his testicales and pulled them as hard as he could, not removing them, just torturing them. He kept on doing that until they were flat, until he couldn't do anything anymore. If Dan could scream he would, if he could do anything to escape this reality he would, he wanted nothing but for it to stop. For it all to end, for his skin to stop feeling like it was on fire, for his head to turn stop banking, for his body to stop sweating, for his jaw to stop shaking. He would do anything for it to stop.

Phil pulled out the cactus (which now as the rest of the picture was red) and dragged it across his face, making it full of cuts, he stopped over his left eye, forcing him to open his eyelid and pressed it into his eye as deep as he could. He felt every part of the plant, his eye felt like it was being attacked by ten deadly poisonous bees. If he could cry he could.

Phil removed the cactus and hooked his finger over his eye and slowly pulled it out, making it even more painful then it had to be. He took a knife and violently put it in the hole the eye had been in minutes ago. Once again Dan thought that this was max, that you could not top this. He started seeing colours and breathed even more.

“I think that’s enough don’t you?” Phil whispered psychotically “but you’re not dead yet, maybe we should fix that, I may have an idea, but we will have to move you for that, and you’re too heavy for that, maybe we should change that too,” 

He slowly and painfully started dismembering his arm by biting it of. Every time his teeths went into his skin he died a bit more, his head getting more and more fuzzy, his eyesight starting to turn black.  
Phil did the same to the other arm and both if his legs, each as painful and suffering. When he was done he took a knife and removed the thread covering Dans mouth. He immediately breathed in deeply. He wished for it to be the end, he wished that Phil was finally done. 

He picked him up and carried him, it would have hurted if he could if he could think like normal, but he couldn’t, this was the end. Would he wake up.

Phil threw him onto the floor in the bathroom under the shower head. He placed a towel over his face, it was nice, it was nice to not see anything. Everything hurted yet he felt rather easy.  
Phil turned the shower on making the water fall directly onto the towell and Dan, the water uninterruptedly fell onto his face causing him to gag, it felt like he was drowning, no air, no anything. All he could think about was the drowning feeling, it hurted, it was scary yet he loved it. Not because of the feeling but because he knew that this was the end, he didn’t think that it was the end, he knew. Just before falling away to the wonders of death he thought is this me waking up, because if it is i love it.

He never woke up.

Phil went into the living room, looked at the TV which asked if he was still watching. He sat down and put it on. He didn’t laugh, he didn’t cry, he didn’t regret it, he didn’t love it, he had completed it, the thing he had thought about for years. Now he had no goal, he had ruined his life, yet he didn’t care. He didn’t want anything, didn’t feel anything, not in a depressing way he just had no emotions.   
He opened a drawer and picked up a knife, he dragged it across his arms, around his neck. He took off his shirt and cut across his chest, traced his ribcage, making sure that he was bleeding enough and put away the knife. He turned his mind to the show and for the first time smiled an honest smile as he welcomed death.

**Author's Note:**

> side note, this is litterly a draft therfor its shit, i didn't rly edit it at all and threw it toghter in one day, i hate it but wanted to post something, yes its rly short and bad deal with it


End file.
